Guess Who's Back

3.9.07

I miss you so much....

12.2.07

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb the golden stair

Bah

Its sad that the only place I really can confide is in this blog. This isn't really true, but more like anyone who I care to talk to, or cares to listen is probably sick of listening to my crap so its easier to just say it here. Every day feels like I have a boulder pressing against my chest and it makes it hard to breathe. I just need the sweet relief of you.

Andrew

Please miss me sweetheart.

11.2.07

Arggggg

I miss you. And this isn't a mopey kinda I'm depressed and omg what's going to happen kinda thing. It is simply an I miss you. You're the first person I wanna talk to when I wake up and the last one before I go to bed. It is so hard to know you're sitting right there on the other side of the internet and I can't just say "hey youuuu" Who else do I go to when I don't wanna study? The one that I go to for encouragement and good luck. Always you. I know its only for a little while, but its just so hard. So hard to not even be able to say hey and I love you. I wanna talk about the stupid things, the things that don't matter. I can't even. I wanna tell you I really did lose weight last week (4 or so pounds) and I wanna tell you your hair looks great. There are so many things I wish I could just say and it is unbelievably tempting to just msg or facebook you but I know I shouldn't. I'm not about to ruin the best thing I've got in my life, so I'll hold out. I can't study like this. I spend more time staring at your name on msn and your facebook profile. I miss my girl. But I'll wont give in. I'll let myself suffer because I know its what you need. Wish me luck babe, I will definitely need it. Even if it kills me I'll hold out. Just please won't you come home to me soon sweetheart?

Andrew

1.2.07

Insomnia

Have you ever had a time where you're living a nightmare? You wish that you woke up and laughed and thought "hahahaha its only a dream" Only to come crashing down to the harsh reality that no, its not a dream, just cold harsh reality.

Today is one of those days. It feels like the beginning of a season of 24. "I'm Jack Bauer and this is one of the longest days of my life" The only difference is that instead of constantly being attacked, shooting people, running, saving the world, this is all happening inside my head and my heart. Ever since that fateful call, I've felt cold, shaking. Why now? Things are only supposed to get better and better?

Sure, it isn't a total shocker from a realistic standpoint. Except sometimes love doesn't follow the bounds of what you would call reality. It makes you do stupid things, think stupid things, participate in behaviour that would otherwise be deemed irrational, that is, except when you're in it. Suddenly the things you do all make sense: the times you stay up to talk instead of studying for that make-it-or-break-it exam the next day, the times that you spend way too much but could care less about the consequences of your insuing povery, the times you put yourself out there knowing you don't stand a chance just because of the pursuit for this wonderful thing.

This is why I can't accept the realistic point of view. Sure it was bound to happen, how could you go through a life without it not happening? Normally I'm all about the realism, but here in this case, it is much much better to be nothing but a hopeless romantic. Although naive, it would be wonderful to think that it would never ever happen. That life doesn't suck and you speed through hitting nothing but green lights and never reds or speed bumps or cops or anything else that makes your journey shitty. I, of all people should come to expect these shitty roadblocks and yet my guard has been dropped. I'm more vulnerable to these things now than I ever have been before and yet I don't think that's a bad thing. Well, except in times like these.

I'm physically exhausted, tired, shaking, numb, weak. Yet I can't sleep. I wish I could just lie down and forget about this all, but its not that easy. Its funny how things can do a 180 so fast. One minute you're thinking "oh I can't wait to talk to her tonight, I have a funny story to tell her" and then the next minute that story is the last thing that crosses your mind. On second thought, maybe thats the only thing that crosses your mind. It haunts me. It reminds me of my blissful ignorance which seemed like just moments ago. Keeps playing back over and over again, a simpler time. Now its just what could've been. But maybe that place isn't so far away. Just have to get there.

And as for you. You son of a bitch. I thought you were the coolest out of all of them. Who the fuck does that? WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT? Its one thing to not help feel the way you do, its a whole other thing to act on them. I never want to see you again. And if I do, I guarantee it will not be pleasant. I don't care if you're the sweetest and most caring person on the planet. Under all that, it still makes you an asshole, you're just an asshole with a smile on your face. Stay the fuck away. If I could have things my way, you would just no longer exist. Lucky for you Andrew's fantasy land doesn't exist in reality.

And you. I love you no matter what. But you have to understand that this is just a total blindside. Punched in the gut, squeeze your heart, stomp your foot, kick you in the nuts kind of thing. I might be doubled over for awhile, but I'll get up. And know that it'll take awhile before I can walk around without a cup anymore, but it will happen. I just need to know that you're past all this. A little bit of a scare and a set back but not a total catastrophe. I'm not mad. Well I might be. But not at you. But I am sad. It sucks. But at least I know.

You say you're not perfect but in my eyes you are. So when you think of me an idiot to have been so foolishly unexpecting its because you're so damn perfect. Its like a parent who has a perfect kid and they think "oh when they become a teen they'll never do anything bad, never try new things, try drugs, have sex, stay out late" every single fibre of reason and logic makes you think "what a stupid ass parent" but in their eyes, their kid is an angel. And you are mine. Which makes this twice as painful. Total blindside. All those nights. This haunts me the most. All those nights I waited. Smiling, thinking about being able to talk to you, staying up, missing you, being lonely. While little did I know that whole time he was there. I get it. But that really hurts.

Maybe this isn't as big as it seems. Maybe come tomorrow morning, it will be not awkwardness but objectivity that will reign. On the other hand, still discouraging is your apparent indecisiveness about how you feel. Additionally, I'm not sure if its just the stress and worry about what this will do to us, but it almost seems like you're reluctant to go through the process of fixing it. Like its easier to just give up. The easy way out. Is that because it'll make the trouble of deciding easier? Whatever the case may be. I'm in it for the long haul. Always have been and always will be. I just need to know that you're there with me 100% and we can work this out.

I love you more than anything in the world. Maybe you don't think I'm the kind to go to the Moon for you. But theres no where I wouldn't go and nothing I wouldn't do to keep from losing you.

Its us. I never thought that could change.

Andrew

Remember She Loves You

3.11.06

A Paradigm Shift
Who woulda thunk it?

It was maybe half a year ago? I sat there at a Tim Horton's with Jodi, we're just chatting, enjoying being able to just take time from our busy lives for something as simple as a cup of coffee and hours of talking. After all these years we can still just talk for hours - good sign. We get on to the topic of relationships and for some reason I start going on about how I'm a realist.

"Statistically speaking we won't last" I say.

I know what you're probably thinking: "Andrew, why the fuck would you say something like that?"

But before you pass me off as some kind of moron that says the worst possible things he can to his girlfriend, hear me out.

Anyways, so I go on. "If you think about it, hardly anyone actually goes on to happily marry and grow old with their high school sweetheart. Most relationships with people our age don't work out anyway. Granted there are definately exceptions as you can see with lots of people."

These are definately sobering words for my beloved, someone who you could say is a least a little bit more of a hopeless romantic than I....but just *a bit*

She takes this all in stride. She knows that I'm just talking shit and its not like I'm saying "let's face it, we aren't going to last so we might as well face the music and be done with it now." No. She knows I just like to stick with the facts, less emotion and more harsh reality for Andrew. The kind of guy who always rides the middle. Why always have the highest of expectations if with them also brings the highest of disapointments?

In retrospect, with every word coming out of my mouth - despite her taking what I was saying with a grain of salt - was probably like giving a pinprick to her heart.

We keep talking, conclude that we can't just assume thing's aren't going to work out and move on - for the most part. We can go on hoping that we're one of the lucky ones right? The ones that make it. Nobody ever said a long term relationship was easy, is it?

***************
6 months later

It hits me. Why the hell won't we make it? Fuck the statistics.

What has happened to me over this last half of the year? How did I turn from this...well not cold, but definately emotionally cool realist to this weird, warm and fuzzy kind of guy.

I look in the mirror and think "man I've gotten soft or something" But have I? Maybe a little, but maybe its for the better.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to go rob the flower shop or burst out of a cake or write letters in the sky or even step past my personal guidelines about PDA, but things are definately different.

For example, I have a mid-term in 12 hours, yet I'd rather sit here and gush about my heartfelt feelings. Who the hell is this guy?!

Well I'll tell you who he is and where he came from.

After maybe a little tiny blip on the relationship trouble radar during the summer, the skies are now crystal clear. Anything you can overcome just brings you closer together.

Since school started, and the weeks and weeks spent apart at our respective schools I find myself missing her more than I ever have before. Why is it that the harder you fall for someone the less of them you get to see? C'est la vie.

And what made me think of all this? All those times, lying in bed thinking "what would I do without her?" that made me realize: how could I say in reality we won't last? Everything tells me that we damn well can and will. I mean, why won't we? I can't think of one good reason.

I applaud you. You've done what I thought could never be done: you've turned me into a hopeless romantic after all (well maybe just a little) I look forward to every day when you get home from school, just so that I can be connected to you in any way I can get. I find myself staring at your picture wishing that it wasn't weeks before I got to see you again. You're the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing I think about before I go to bed and every thought in the middle that isn't the same is just a waste of my time.

In the past I often wondered: is this real? Are we just two stupid kids with this retardedly complicated history and a good laugh for all to talk about? For any of those who still wonder when the next break up and get back together is, do they actually have a point?

Do I even know what love is? Lots of people say "I love you" "love you babe" etc, do they even know what they are saying? The word love is supposed to express a feeling unparalled by any other, but instead is wasted faster than a roll of toilet paper. Am I just like the rest? Using this magnificantly powerful word in vain? No.

I may have been lost at times, but I am definately found. I know what love is: you. You mean everything to me, and maybe you didn't know that before but you definately know it now.

Andrew
I love you

29.10.06

Short One

Got a midterm tomorrow...so I'll make this one quick.

Go to www.skoalbandits.com

If you don't know what Skoal is, its a popular brand of chewing tobacco (think burly major league baseball pitcher with stained teeth and a lot of spitting)

Anyways, I stumbled across the site, and I realized how stereotypically appealing the site is supposed to be for men. I mean sure beer commercials and stuff like that are also targeting men, but at least slightly more subtle. Look at the product descriptions, I found some of them quite hilarious. For example:

Guaranteed Fresh Until Dating (if only everything you loved had this)

Funny ass shit.

I'm Back

So if you look into the history of this blog, you'll notice that I have a nasty habit of starting it up, and then stopping for months, and then starting it up again. It would seem that this blog's activity mirrors the text on the pages in front of me, which I should be reading. The booms and busts of a cyclical economy, now virtually represented in my sparatic blogging.

Is this yet another boom in my blog's volatile economy? This is yet to be determined, but hopefully not.

I swear this time I'll bring more content, more entertainment, and most importantly, continued blogging. Hopefully I'll also be able to get a real layout going, this is just a filler.

Ironic that as blogging seems to be on the outs, I'm bringing mine back in.

To start things off, check out this link:
http://feministing.com/archives/005912.html

First and foremost, no I do not read 'feministing.com' a blog devoted to feminism, Jodi sent me this link, I think the site has something to do with her Woman's Studies class..

Anyway yeah its just a little bit disturbing. I'm sure some of you have heard me say "the younger, the better" But this might be stretching it a little bit...

EDIT - http://feministing.com/archives/005685.html
This is more of the same.

8.12.05

The Return of Doodle Duels

For those of you who ever went to Perpetual Stroll back in the day, they used to have Doodle Duels where two guys would be given a topic and then they would each draw something on MS Paint and comment about each other's. Hilarity ensued.

Since it has long since retired, James, Dennis and I have brought it back for a new generation:

Here is: Doodle Duel #1 - How Crappy the Raptors Are

Dennis' - Raptor in a pile of shit

Andrew's - The Realistic View of the Raptors

The comments:

A: What the fuck is that supposed to be?! The raptor in a pile of shit?? And it looks like Barney.

D: The Raptor is purple and its not Barney. Sam Mitchell is not a brown man, he is clearly afro-american.

A: But then you wouldnt see his facial features, just a black ball.

D: But thats what you see in real life. Your depiction is incorrect. I can't even begin to explain what those oragne orbs are.

A: Fuck you, at least mine is realistic. The raptor has never jumped into a pile of shit. Plus if you want to talk about realistic colours, your shit is too light. I dont know about you, but mine tend to me more like the colour of Mitchell's face. And why the fuck is his body pink? Is he wearing a shirt?

D: The raptor is in shit, they are shit - that's what it represents. The pink is supposed to be his jersey. And at least my character HAS a body, your man is naked - a ho.

A: The raptor's jerseys are red, white or purple you dumbass, not pink. And hes a skinny black man, he has a body

Vote on who you should think wins

EDIT: That was not bias, that is merely the title of my picture.

Okay..almost everyday

I saw this before it was posted on Entensity..some of you may have seen it by now
Real Life Initial D (the 2nd half of the video is better)
Who doesn't like a good yo momma joke?
Star Wars > You

Small update today, should probably study for Economics....damn

AAFD: It is hypothesized that the Moon was actually once part of Earth. During the formation of the Solar System, in the early stages of Earth, a large piece of debris collided with the Earth sending a big chunk of the Earth off into space. Gravity kept this piece orbiting the Earth and it turned into our moon.

Just For Kicks

3.9.07

12.2.07

11.2.07

1.2.07

3.11.06

29.10.06

8.12.05

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